just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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