I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize