Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize