we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
