i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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