take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize