I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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