He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
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She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i've created a new STD.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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