i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
