I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
