it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
