So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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