1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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