Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize