Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
