ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
