so explain again why im purple
no
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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