well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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