Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
