The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
