Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
