Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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