please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
