I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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