just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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