I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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