put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
