I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
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and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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