I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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