Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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