I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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