the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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