I have demons in me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
