Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
