are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
