ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
