Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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