wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
