Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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