my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
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Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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