just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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