I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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