i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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