I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize