you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
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