Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
