My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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