How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
