hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
