My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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