i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
