with your own penis?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
