I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
