The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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