Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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