Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just made my gag reflex go away.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
