You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
