dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Fuck appropriateness.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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