He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
