a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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