Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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