I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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