K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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